At the time this story opens, the tribe had left the Trollkin island and had settled on a nearby island for a time. This serves as a frame for the main action, a tale of the aftermath of Stone's capture by the Sun Warriors back in the days of the Troll Wars, and his torture at the hands of the cruel Penumbra.

The doorskin rippled in the quiet breeze, sunlight sprinkling under its edge onto the den floor. Scents from the ice-blue sea drifted in with the breeze, blowing up the hillside and drifting over the tops of the forest trees, barely stirring the air between the tall, bare trunks. Kestrel, awakened by the cries of birds outside the doorskin, sniffed the sea-laden air appreciatively and rolled over on the furs. Stone lay asleep beside her, his back to her, covered lightly with the thin deerskin they shared. No need for heavy furs in this climate -- even the deerskin seemed too much at times. She turned and pressed herself cozily against her lifemate's back, wrapping an arm around his ribs and enjoying the warmth of his skin against hers.

"Mmm?" he murmured.

Kestrel smiled. "Awake?"

"Mmm-hmmm..." He turned his head, his eyes still narrow with sleep. "Have something in mind?"

"Maybe," Kestrel said, running the fingertips of one hand over his chest.

"Something worth waking up at noon for?"

"Could be."

"Shall we find out?"

Kestrel's reply was cut short as a tiny cubling's fretful wail rent the air, a sound that was clearly approaching their den.

"Puckernuts!" Stone grumbled.

"Mmm-hmmm..." Kestrel replied with a mischievous smile, her hand drifting suggestively down his belly.

"Now, don't get me started when we're about to be invaded," Stone said, taking her hand in his. "That wasn't what I meant and you know it."

"But hold that thought anyway," Kestrel said, rising from their bed and wrapping a spare deerskin around herself under her arms. "We can always pick up where we left off." She had barely finished tying the skin in front when the doorskin flew open and Hilltop tumbled in, a screaming Jade in her arms.

"She won't stop crying!" Hilltop said, nearly in tears herself. "She screams like she's being eaten alive. Cyclone is too tired out to do anything and I don't know where Stormrook is. What's the matter with her?"

"It's just the colic," Kestrel said, taking the cubling into her own expert hands. Less than a moon out of her mother's belly, Jade screamed and thrashed with surprising strength. "You can tell by her swollen stomach and the way she pulls up her legs. Remember when Brindlefur was colicky?"

"Sort of," Hilltop said doubtfully, biting her lip. "I don't know. I guess I didn't stay around when he cried."

"Hold her this way," Kestrel said as she draped the screaming infant over her arm, putting pressure on the tiny stomach. Jade's crying quieted to a wavering, uncertain wail. "You have to walk her around for a while, but eventually all the air comes out and she'll be fine."

"That's all it is? Air inside her?" Hilltop stroked her daughter's thin, silky curls.

"That's all. You did burp her after you fed her last?"

Hilltop frowned. "I thought I did. Maybe I didn't do it enough."

"That could be," Kestrel said. "Sometimes it's hard to tell." She shifted the cubling as Jade drew her knees up again and screamed anew.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Hilltop fretted. "She's still crying!"

"It can take a while," Kestrel reassured her. "Of course, her grandsire has a faster way." She gave Stone a questioning look, eyebrows raised.

"All right," Stone conceded, rising up on one elbow. "Just don't make a habit of running in here every time she hiccups."

"As if you could let your own cublings cry for very long," Kestrel chided him as she laid Jade down on the bed. "As if you weren't just waiting for us to ask for your help!"

"I won't even answer that," Stone said. He placed a hand on Jade's swollen stomach and let his healing powers flow into his grandcub, soothing away the pain and helping her tiny body rid itself of its own distress. A few moments later the air in her did come out all at once -- from both ends -- and Jade's eyes went wide at her own noise. Her face crumpled and turned purple as she broke out crying again.

"She's just startled," Kestrel said reassuringly as she handed the cubling back to Hilltop. Jade quieted in a few moments and began rooting around at her mother's shoulder.

"She's also hungry," Hilltop said.

"Time to take her back to your den and feed her, then," Kestrel said, steering her own daughter to the den hole. "Then we can all get back to sleep."

"I get the hint," Hilltop said with a smile. "Thanks," she added as she pushed the doorskin aside and disappeared.

But even after she had gone, Kestrel remained by the doorskin, a wistful look on her face.

"Well?" Stone asked, his head propped on one hand. "What was that about picking up where we left off?"

"Oh, yes." Kestrel turned back toward the bed and untied the deerskin she had covered herself with, letting it drop to the floor. "I was just thinking."

"What about?" Stone asked, taking his lifemate gently into his arms.

Kestrel sighed. "About how nice it is to hold a little cubling again."

"Oh," Stone said. "That."

"I can't help but wonder," she went on, "if it will happen for us again."

Stone pulled her close. "There are times I think it might." He paused. "I hope so," he added, "but... not like last time." His brows drew together, and he pressed his face into her long, silky hair.

"No," Kestrel agreed, holding on to him tightly as memories stirred up. "Not like last time."

It was the dark of winter and snow covered the forests of Grey Falls, tucking the land in under a blanket of frozen white for a sleep that for some would prove endless. Winter had come harsh and early, blowing freezing rain ahead of days upon days of snow. For the tribe the harsh weather had been a boon; snow had caught the Sun Warriors unawares and driven them away for the season. They would be back as surely as the summer would return, and the trolls from the Evercold might still linger, unafraid, but for a time the Wolfriders could breathe a bit more easily as they traveled their treetop trails.

Kestrel peered out of her den hole, high atop the Grandfather Tree, and watched the first birds of morning peck at the branches in search of scarce winter food. Below her the holt was grim when there should be laughter; silent where there should be sighs and giggles from the dens as the tribe settled in to sleep. The troll wars and the skirmishes with the Sun Warriors had taken a harsh toll on the tribe. Hardest to take were the deaths of wounded elves who could have been healed had the tribe's healer not been captured. There, too, early winter had aided the tribe. The Sun Warriors, baffled by the falling sleet and snow, hampered by troll-sized winter garb hastily donned, were briefly a shade more vulnerable than before, just enough that the Wolfriders could swoop down upon them and carry off their battered healer.

Kestrel turned at the sound of a muffled cry. Stone lay in their bed, curled up and wrapped tightly in the furs, asleep but not resting. His body twitched as his mind tortured him anew by reliving the hands of days he'd suffered under the ministrations of Penumbra, the dark-skinned torturer. Purple smudges under his eyes, lurid remains of bruises yet unhealed, and the gauntness of his face still spoke of his dark days of capture he'd only nights before been rescued from. Kestrel slipped down from the den hole and knelt at his side, stroking his hair and calling to him gently.

"Stone? Stone, beloved, wake up. You're dreaming again."

A ragged cry caught in her lifemate's throat. He lashed out with one arm, striking her across the shoulder.

**Tark!** she called as she tumbled to the floor.

**Fahl!** Stone was on his knees beside her in an instant. "Beloved, I didn't mean..."

"I know you didn't," Kestrel said, rubbing a bruised spot. "Come, back into bed with you." She put her arms around him as he sat heavily on the edge of the bed-frame, his head resting on his hands.

"I can't even find rest in sleep," he murmured. "The dreams come back every time." He groaned softly. "I have to relive every cursed moment! Everything they did to me, everything I was forced to do!"

"Thank the High Ones we were able to rescue you."

"And they laughed. They laughed! Curse them and to the human's cook-fires with them!" Stone's voice cracked. "When I couldn't stand it any longer and cried out, they laughed."

Kestrel held him tightly, sending quiet, soothing feelings and wishing there was something more to be done. "My lifemate," she whispered, "you can heal hurts of the body, but if only you or someone in the tribe could heal hurts of the soul."

"Nothing could ever heal this," he whispered.

Kestrel was silent, having no answer for him. Elves who tortured and killed other elves were incomprehensible to her. They'd turned their backs on their own nature, on everything that being an elf meant. They might as well be humans; they certainly acted like humans. She brushed her face against her lifemate's shoulder as he breathed out a long, damp sigh.

**Fahl?** he said, finally. **You know what they wanted me for, don't you?**

Kestrel nodded. **They no longer Recognize. And they haven't figured out the Go-Back's trick of making cubs without it.**

**Yes.** Stone sighed again. **They know some healers are strong enough to force Recognition.**

**And did you?**

Stone's breath caught. **Yes.**

Kestrel waited, sensing there was more to come, yet her lifemate remained silent.

**Is there... is there more?** she asked.

**Yes.** Stone drew in a long, shuddering breath. **What right had I?**

Kestrel could only look at him in surprise. **To do what?**

**I changed them,** he said, even his send no more than a whisper. **The cubs. I changed them.**

**Changed... how?**

Stone ran a hand through his hair, damp now with sweat despite the winter chill. **I couldn't do it to the adults. Not much, anyway. They seemed to sense what was going on, and when Penumbra caught on...** His body was seized with a sudden trembling, and he fought to control it while Kestrel clung to him.

**But the cubs?**

**Yes, the cubs. One... one will be less agile when it grows up. Another will get sick more often than it should. Two more will bleed easily. And all these things I did can be passed on should these cubs have more cubs of their own.**

**Do the Sun Warriors know?** Kestrel asked.

Stone shook his head. **Not yet. They will in the future, or they'll suspect when they notice there's something just a little wrong with every cub I forced into being. I think I offered some poor lie that forcing Recognition is tricky and you never know what the outcome will be, but they'll suspect that their cub's problems were my handiwork.**

**If they were true to their own nature, none of this would have happened,** Kestrel said, angrily. **It was war, beloved, and you've used the weapons you had at hand to help fight it. The future Sun Warriors may be less of a threat thanks to you.**

**Their own nature...** Stone murmured. **I could have done that. I should have done that.**

**Done what?**

**Make them better elves instead of sickly Sun Warriors,** he replied, resting his head on his hands. **Restored their elfish nature, given them the power to send or to use whatever magic might lay in their ancestry. I could have done it. I could have bettered them all by it.**

**And they would have used those children for their own evil purposes,** Kestrel growled. **You know they would have.**

**I don't know what to think any more.** He drew in a long breath. **I'm just tired of all this warfare. Too much killing, too much blood. I'm afraid some of our tribemates are growing too used to it. It's not the Way.**

**Lie down, beloved,**Kestrel urged him, pressing him gently into the warm furs. **You need some rest to make yourself whole again.**

**I can't seem to sleep without nightmares,** Stone reminded her, though he did not resist as she laid him down and covered them both with furs.

**Then I'll send to you as you sleep.Something sweet and loving enough to keep away the bad dreams.**

He smiled a little. **Sounds distracting. I thought you wanted me to actually sleep.**

**You'll need some of that 'distraction', too, when you're feeling up to it,** Kestrel said, softly, with a smile sparkling in her eyes, **just to remind you of how much you are loved.**

**When I'm up to it,** he agreed. **Right now...**

**You need to heal,** she finished for him, smoothing his silvery curls away from his forehead. **The whole tribe needs to heal. And to renew itself, I hope. All these losses might spark new Recognitions. It's happened before.**

**We need it to happen again,** he murmured sleepily. Kestrel shushed him and sent loving, soothing images of warm summer nights, of lazy times after a good hunt, of daytimes spent curled up in the furs together. Lovingly she recalled their own Recognition, fulfilled and celebrated, leading quite naturally to a devoted lifemating. She remembered the precious cubling days of their own daughter and their joys at watching her grow.

**Renewal.** Stone's send came from the edge of sleep. **We need to...** he sat abruptly upright. **Renewal! Of course! It can happen -- I can make it happen!**

**Sweet love, you need to rest,** Kestrel said, and tried to press him back into the furs.

**But don't you see?** he persisted. **If I can do it for the Sun Warriors, I can do it for the Wolfriders, too!**

**Of course you could, but you've never...**

**We've never had the need before, so I never tried. Now that I know how, I can do it to renew the tribe.**

Kestrel frowned. **Would it be wise just yet? Having a cub leaves you vulnerable, and we need all the sword arms we have.**

**Fahl,** he sent softly, pulling her close. **Oh, Fahl. It can help the tribe, maybe it could help me. If I can take this terrible thing I've done and use it for something good, something that could help us and all our kind -- but I need you to help me.**

**Tark...** she whispered, feeling her heart pound for she knew what he wanted and how sweet it could be, how much she wanted it herself yet she feared for their safety and the safety of the cubling they might make. **You know I'd do anything for you.**

**Fahl, precious love, would you? With me? Would you do this thing with me? Would you join with me in trying to make a cub together?**

**I...**

**Please, Fahl?**

**Now?**

**Yes. Right now.**

**Oh, Tark!** Her breath caught and her rapid pulse thundered in her ears. **It's as much an honor as it is a joy to bear your cublings. I'm afraid, because the Sun Warriors will be back and the trolls are still out there, but...**

**But?**

**Yes. Yes! I want this. Let's make it happen.**

**Fahl...** He reached tenderly out to her, touching her soul name and seeking a joining that went far beyond that of the body. **Come to me.**

**I'm here.**

**Yes. Oh, yes.**

In their heads rang the bloodsong of joining, and they moved to its rhythms, the dance in the furs only reflecting the dance that carried on within. The song coursed on and they flowed with it, softly tugging on each other's soul names and drawing closer around a common center until a new note rang through. Kestrel knew it when she heard it for she'd heard it before, turns ago, when she'd returned to the tribe after her time with Alyssar. She had looked into Stone's grey eyes and found his soul name. In him she had found a lifemate. With him she had found her joy.

He had done it. Recognition seized them and its invincible song rocked their bodies to exhaustion yet still it went on until it was fulfilled and a new star joined their own in the dance, and they laughed and sighed and sank sweating into the furs with their limbs still tangled about each other.

**Tark, beloved,** Kestrel said with a sigh. **You've done it.**

**I have,** he replied, and then came a long, tense silence. **But... I wonder. I wonder what it is I have done?**

**Tark?** Kestrel called quietly as she came awake and recalled with warm joy what they had done together.

There was no answer.

**Lifemate?** Kestrel sat bolt upright. The furs beside her were cold and empty.

**Tark!** she cried, leaping from the bed and dashing to the den hole. She pushed the doorskin aside and peered out.

Footprints. But only his footprints on the branch outside, and marks in the snow on the side of the tree showing he'd made his way down at some speed. He'd gone, and he'd gone alone.

There was no reply to her frantic sends. She jumped down from the den hole and scanned their little den. He had left in haste, donning only his leathers and a small knife. His winter cloak and Tallspear's sword had been cast carelessly on the floor. Even his fur-lined winter boots were left behind. He'd grabbed his worn summer boots instead.

"You'll freeze out there, lifemate!" she said, quickly pulling on her own winter leathers. She strapped on his sword as well as her quiver of arrows, and rolled his winter leathers up with some furs into a light bundle to sling over her shoulder.

Finder, Stone's faithful bond-wolf, whined softly at the base of the Grandfather tree as Kestrel climbed down. "You're worried too, friend?" she asked. "Then you must help me find him. He hasn't hidden his trail at all," she added, looking at the straight line of tracks across the snow. "Finding him won't be the problem. I'm just afraid of what it is we'll find."

She called for Bear, her own wolf, bigger and more sturdy than most and dark as a brown bear. She mounted up, then looked uncertainly back at her home tree. The tribe would still be asleep, for the daylight was bright. Should she wake them? Stone couldn't be too far away, and she'd catch up to him quickly on wolfback. She should at least tell someone she was going, though, in case there was trouble.

She turned to the pureblood caves, knowing most of them would be awake for they slept but little. Yharren's door she passed by. He might fancy himself the chief of the tribe at times, but she didn't want to face his sardonic smirks and she didn't want him involved in her private affairs. Worse yet, he might delay her while he tried to solve the problem himself. There was no time for that.

Instead she stopped at the common door that led to a small series of caves. Inside, she crept quietly to her father's doorskin and called to him.

Allim lay inside, stretched out on his furs, contemplating in the candle light some dark memory of his past if the scowl on his face was anything to go by. His brightmetal eyes turned to her in a look of annoyance and faint curiosity.

"And to what do I owe the honor of this visit?" he said in a low voice dripping with sarcasm.

Kestrel did not waste words on the obvious prod. Allim may be looking for a quarrel but she had not the time to spare. "Stone is missing. He's run off for some reason and I'm afraid for him. I'm going after him."

Allim sat up, looking faintly more interested. "I thought the tribe just staged a brave and brilliant rescue for him. Did he enjoy it so much he wants to see it again?"

"Father, please! I have to go. He could be in trouble, or he could be freezing to death out there. Something is wrong with him and I have to go to him."

Allim's eyes narrowed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"The rest of the tribe is still asleep and I don't want the whole pack on his trail. The Sun Warriors' torture left him on the edge of madness and I'm afraid -- that is, I think it's better if I go after him alone. I'm telling you because I want you to tell the rest of the tribe where I've gone. If I'm not back with him soon, then send someone after us."

"I'm surprised you didn't go to Yharren," Allim said, looking curiously at her. "He seems to think he's in charge of the tribe when the wolf chiefs are absent."

Kestrel looked away. "Yharren is... Yharren. I don't know how far I can trust him."

Allim paused. "But you trust me?"

"I must. I have to go now. Please tell them."

Allim nodded. "I will," he said, his voice softened. "Go and find your lifemate."

"I hope to the High Ones that I do. Oh, and Father?"

"Yes?"

A small smile touched her lips. "Stone and I... we're to have another cub. I thought you would like to know."

Allim's eyebrows rose. "Well. Recognition again. You are my daughter!"

Knowing the acknowledgment was as close to tenderness as Allim ever got, she smiled and bade him goodbye, then turned back to the brittle winter sunlight outside.

Stone's trail led in a nearly straight line through the woods, leading vaguely towards the Evercold and rather in the direction of the cave she'd shared with Alyssar turns ago. There seemed no reason for the direction other than that it led away from the falls, the troll caves, the holt, and certainly away from the Sky People's village. The wolves loped along, eating up the miles as they traveled, yet they still did not catch up with Stone.

"How far could he have gone?" Kestrel wondered. He must have set out early in the day and run the whole way to be so far ahead of them. The trail was clear and easy to follow however. She felt confident they would catch sight of him soon.

Until the trail disappeared.

Finder whined and sniffed the air, scouting around for his bond-elf. Bear whuffed in confusion.

"He's taken to the trees," Kestrel said, looking up. Sure enough, the snow on the branches above had been disturbed. "Even so, I can follow him. Stay with me, friends." She leaped up and grasped the same low branch that Stone had used to swing up into the skyways. Casting about in the deepening twilight, she could see a trail through the treetops, places where branches had been trod upon. "A troll couldn't follow you well, beloved," she said, "but I can. I just hope to the High Ones that you're all right."

The trail wound through the trees aimlessly. Had he lost his way, then? Perhaps his confusion had slowed him and they could catch up to him soon.

"At least the trail is still clear," she said.

Then she found three sets of tracks in the treetops.

"They're all his," she murmured. "And they all lead in different directions."

She sorted the trails out while the full moon rose. He had cleverly doubled back, stepped in his own tracks, and completely confused the trail. Even her skilled eyes took some time to find the real trail, and by then she had lost hours of time. "Far more time than he took to lay this," she said. "Does he know he's being followed, then? Or is this just a precaution?"

Three more times the tracks knotted into complex puzzles for her to untangle. Dawn broke, and still she and the wolves had not caught up with their quarry. Kestrel sighed in weariness, longing for the warm furs of her little knothole high in the Grandfather tree, but there would be no rest for her until she'd found her lifemate. "Beloved, please don't run from us," she whispered. "You must be freezing by now. Please let us help you."

The sun was well up, peering through a flat veil of steely clouds, when Stone's trail dropped from the trees and back to the ground. Kestrel narrowed her eyes and looked at the foot tracks in puzzlement. They were too clear, too obvious. What was he doing now? Cautiously she lowered herself to the ground and studied the tracks. They made a straight, clear line across an open patch where some large trees had fallen and smaller ones sprang skyward. Odd, she thought, noticing that much of the snow had been shaken from the small trees. Had he laid this track as a decoy, then gone back to the skyways again? She set her foot in one of the tracks and moved slowly forward, keeping in his footprints.

A slight noise. Bear whuffed, and shoved against her, throwing her to the side. A slim tree whipped upright, a vine noose swinging from its topmost branches. Kestrel sat in the snow and stared dumbfoundedly at the snare that fluttered impotently in the chill breeze. "Was this for me?" she whispered in a shaking voice. "Was this meant for me, lifemate?" She jumped to her feet, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes. **TARK!** she screamed, furious and grieving. **Tark, lifemate, what have they done to you?**

She touched him that time. She knew she had, but what she touched was wild and strange. Bear nuzzled her and Finder whined, urging her on. "Let's go, old friend," she said to Bear, mounting up. Her wolf yipped and surged forward as Kestrel guided him in the direction where she knew Stone must be as the first flakes of a new snowfall fluttered down from the sky.

By noon the snow was falling heavily, obscuring tracks and nearly covering scents. Finder, true to his name, managed to catch his bond-elf's scent now and again, and Kestrel used his nose and her own sends as a guide. The winds picked up speed, blowing snow against her face as she rode. She unfolded one of the furs and wrapped it around herself, covering her head and shielding her face. Lifemate, she thought, what you must be suffering in this cold. Are you even aware of it?

There were no more tricks. He had moved ahead of them in a straight line, trudging slowly through the snow. He must have been exhausted, near the end of his strength. He still would not answer her sends, though she knew he heard. At the very least she knew he was still alive and they were very much closer to him.

At dusk they found him. He lay face-down in the snow in a little hollow under a boulder by a frozen stream. Perhaps he had sought shelter from the snow storm, Kestrel thought, as she hastily dismounted and ran to him. His face, as she turned him over, was bleached white with the cold, his lips blue. His leathers were soaked through. Kestrel unrolled furs she'd brought and pulled him on top of them. She told the wolves to lay down with him and warm him until she could find shelter.

Shelter. The only trees at hand were slim willows. She made her way through the blowing snow, following the stream, until she found an alder big enough for her purposes. Laying her hands on the trunk, she let her powers flow into it, feeling the wood turn and melt under her hands. She shaped a small den for them, small enough that it could be warmed by body heat and well off the ground in case a sudden thaw should flood the stream.

Bear and Finder, good wolves that they were, were still curled up beside Stone under the cover of a thick bear skin. Kestrel pulled her lifemate onto Finder's back and guided the wolves to the den she had shaped. She lined it with the furs, shaking off the snow as best she could. She lay Stone out on them and stripped off his wet leathers, then pulled off her own and crawled into the furs beside him. The wolves curled up with them and Kestrel shaped the den hole down to a mere air vent.

Stone's skin was icy cold against hers. She felt the tingle of magic coming in spurts as he slipped in and out of consciousness, healing himself when he felt the pain from his frost-bitten hands and feet and ears. She held him tightly, trying to warm his body with her own, until exhaustion forced her to sleep.

She awoke at daylight to a low growling sound. Stone had jumped from the furs and crouched in a corner of the tiny den, little more than arm's length beyond her. His eyes glinted in the faint dawn's light that filtered in through the air vent. Finder whined, puzzled by his bond-elf's strangeness.

**Tark, beloved,** Kestrel sent, but the the feral mind she touched would not answer. It was like sending to a strange wolf, and Kestrel understood what had happened. Stone, in fleeing from his pain, had turned so far into himself that he had left behind his elfish mind and let the wolf in him take control. He was a wolf, sick, cornered, dangerous. He growled again and shifted his position, his naked skin pale in the dim light.

Why? she wondered. Had forcing Recognition done this? Instead of finding the joy and renewal he had expected, had he been dragged back into the nightmares again? **Tark, sweet love, where are you?** she sent, following the words with soothing feelings of her love for him. There were no words in response, no images beyond what was in front of his eyes at the moment. He was lost in the Now of wolf thought.

**Tark?** she called, reaching out to him. She knew his soul name must lie inside of him. She reached into his mind, probing for him, hoping he would respond.

Instead she was blasted by a wave of pain that knocked her to the floor. She sat up in astonishment, staring at her lifemate. What had he done? The black star that had collided with her was strangely familiar, and she realized an instant later that it was his healing power turned inside-out. Rather than heal, the power hurt.

"Oh, lifemate, what did they teach you?" she murmured, tears in her eyes. "What have they done to you? Is this their gift to you? To all of us?"

She tried again, this time staying at the edges of his mind and calling softly to him. Slowly, her gentle sends and Finder's eager nuzzling and licking took effect. The tension went out of Stone's body and he slumped to the floor. Passively, he allowed Kestrel to tuck him into the furs again. Soon he slept.

Kestrel could not sleep, however, for she and the wolves were hungry. She opened the den and took Bear out with her, leaving Finder with his bond-elf. As she closed the den hole again, she told herself it was to keep danger out. She could not admit even to herself that it was to keep her lifemate in.

The pickings were thin, but Kestrel managed to down a few hares and a pair of squirrels. It would be enough to satisfy their hunger of the moment. She gave a hare to each of the wolves when she returned, and skinned another one for Stone. He watched her as she worked, but nothing in his steady gaze said that he understood what she did or even recognized who she was. There was nothing in his eyes at all. She held the skinned hare out to him but he turned away.

**Beloved, you must eat.** Again she held it out, but he would not look at it. She tore a bit of flesh from the haunch and held it against his lips.At last the needs of the body overcame the strange reluctance and he took the meat from her fingers. Mechanically, he ate.

Kestrel breathed a sigh of relief. At least he would not starve himself as Sparrow had done when Gale had died. She skinned the squirrels and ate them herself, making sure Stone finished the hare before she tossed the remains to the wolves. When his eyelids drooped again, she tucked him into the furs and soon fell asleep beside him.

She heard the sends of her tribemates soon after sunset. Allim had been true to his word and told them of her urgent errand They in turn had come for her. She left the den, closing the door again as a precaution, and went to meet them. Hilltop was with them, demanding to know where her father was and why he wouldn't answer her sends. Starfall came, too, her face grave with worry.

"But why can't I see him?" Hilltop whined.

"Not now, cubling," Kestrel said. "Something is wrong with him."

"What? What's wrong with him?"

Kestrel bit her lip. "It's... a kind of illness. He's very sick because of what the Sun Warriors did to him. He must get better before I bring him back. I'm afraid if I bring him back that others will try to interfere and make him worse. Besides, in his state he may not want to be with all the others."

Hilltop's lower lip trembled and her eyes misted over. "But... but I want him to come back. I want you to come back. Make him come back!"

"I'm trying, cubling. When he's better he'll come."

"But I want him to come back now! I don't like being alone!"

"Come and stay with me," Starfall offered, putting an arm around Hilltop's shoulders. "Everything will be all right. You'll see."

"But it's dangerous out here. There are trolls and everything!" Hilltop's tears spilled down her round cheeks. Kestrel took her daughter's face in her hands, a face broad across the high cheekbones and pointed at the chin, so very like her own father's in shape though not in color or the emotions that flitted across it.

"Hilltop is right," said Leafdance, who had led the search. "It's too dangerous out here for the two of you. Enough of us together could bring him back..."

"No," Kestrel said, firmly. "If he fled the holt, it was for a reason. A sick wolf goes off by himself to die or get well. I'm not going to let my lifemate die. I'll bring him back when he's well."

"What if we let Yharren probe his mind?" Leafdance suggested. "Maybe he could get at the root of..."

"No! Not Yharren!" Kestrel said with some heat. "Besides," she added quickly, "I don't want anything forced on him. It might only drive him deeper into himself."

"All right," Leafdance said, though her voice held doubt. "I think you're right to stay with your lifemate. I'd just feel a lot better if you were back at the holt."

"When he's well enough I'll come," Kestrel promised. "Right now he needs me. I don't think he'll have anyone near him but me."

"Don't I know it!" Leafdance said with a sigh, then winked. "At least not since you two Recognized. Well, don't expect the rest of the tribe to take this lying down. They'll all be out here from time to time like mother partridges after their chicks."

"Yes, do check on us," Kestrel said. "If there's danger I'll find a way to bring him back."

"Come away, soulsister," Starfall urged, taking Hilltop by the hand. Hilltop turned a tragic face to her mother and waved farewell.

When they were out of sight and sound, and she was alone again in the silent forest, Kestrel turned back to the den in the alder tree. She paused by the door, thinking, then shaped it open and went inside. Stone was awake and watching her with blank, staring eyes. She knelt beside him and took his face in her hands as she had their daughter's. **Those were your tribemates, beloved. Our daughter. Your brother's daughter. They came to find us. They're worried for you.** He looked back without a sign of comprehension, his mind fixed in the Now.

**Do you hear me, lifemate?** she asked. **I know you hear me, but can you understand me?**

No response beyond a wolfish acknowledgement of her presence.

**Tark, please, I know you are there somewhere. I want to help you. I want you to be yourself again.**

Nothing.

**Tark, why? Why won't you come to me? Me! Your lifemate! Please, come back to me.**

Her send echoed hollowly in the blankness of his mind.

**Well, fine!** she burst out. **If you want to run from me, then run! I don't know what more I'm supposed to do for you!** She jumped up and ran from the den, not bothering to close the hole. She ran until she stumbled and fell in the snow, and sobbed out her frustrations in the cold night. She raged at the Sun Warriors for destroying her lifemate's mind, at him for being so unresponsive, at herself for being angry with him for something he could not help. She wept until she heard Bear whining and felt his cold nose on her ear, and she realized her leathers were wet and she was cold to the bone. Slowly she rose and wiped the snow from her leathers, then followed Bear back to the den.

Stone was there, squatting in the hole, the night winds blowing chill across his bare skin. When she looked in his eyes her heart jumped for there was something there; not the well mind she could have hoped for, but something that showed he knew she was gone and that he had looked for her return. It was a start at least.

**Beloved,** she said, wiping her face, **if you're going to sit out in the cold you should at least put your leathers on.** She took him by the hand and pulled him into the den, then took out his winter leathers and helped him on with them.

There was a difference in him. Perhaps her outburst had somehow reached him, startled an awareness deep inside. She felt a faint acknowledgement to her send, some trace of lucidness that sparked a hope in her. For a time, it would be enough.

She hunted again that night and shot a deer that would keep the four of them fed for another hand of days. The wolves helped lug the carcass back to the den, and Kestrel shaped a cache in the tree itself to hide the meat. She was careful about the trails she left; no sense in making their camp too obvious to any trollish spies that might be lurking about. Stone was vulnerable in his present state, yet she balked at the idea of shutting him in the den each time she left. He wasn't her prisoner. She had to show him some trust.

When they had all fed and dawn was breaking, Kestrel closed the den door and pulled off her snow-dampened leathers, settling into the furs beside her lifemate. He had eaten mechanically, without thought or pleasure, but at least he had eaten. She pulled his leathers off for his comfort, though he didn't seem to notice or care whether he was dressed or not. As his eyes closed and he fell asleep, she gently brushed his unkempt hair back from his face. "Though you're not yourself, beloved," she whispered, "you're still my lifemate and I'm here to take care of you." She examined his hands and found several nails broken raggedly, one to the quick. His small utility knife lay nearby; she took it and pared his nails as he slept, then touched his hand to her face. **I'll do whatever I can for you, Tark. You know I'd do anything for you. I just wish I knew what was wrong.**

Days passed, with little change in him. He remained wolf-like in his mind, passive in body. He ate when he was given food and dressed when he was handed leathers. He waited in the den while Kestrel hunted and watched at the hole for her return. He slept dreamlessly beside her during the day and hunched under a fur at night while Finder guarded him.

On the morning of the seventh day, however, Kestrel was awakened by a soft cry. Stone's body twitched. He was dreaming again. She put her arms around him and pressed her forehead to his, reaching out to him with the strongest send she could muster. She pressed through darkness and emptiness until deep inside she found a faint, wounded star, his own star of being. As she touched him her own mind was suddenly filled with the images that haunted him. Pain. Sweat. Blood. Leering faces. Taunting laughter. Gleaming eyes in a profound darkness. Soul fleeing from predatory soul. Death-scent. She felt his horror as he realized she was with him, as though he thought she had been captured with him. **You shouldn't be here!** he cried, and she knew she had found him at last, that he was still himself and would be restored to himself. **You don't need to be here, either,** she replied. **Come. Follow me home.**

He howled in pain and confusion and she felt the ominous electrical sensation of black sending building up. She cried out, but stayed with him, begging him to come to her. He only turned and fled from her, too swiftly to follow. She was left alone in blackness, calling for him in vain. When she withdrew and came to herself they were both slick with sweat. Stone lay limply beside her, staring blankly at the ceiling.

**At least, beloved,** she sent, though whether he heard her or not she could not tell, **at least I know the demons that hold you in their jaws. We'll see who is stronger -- the demons or us.**

The dreams returned several days later, and several days after that. Kestrel did not pursue him again, but touched his mind to let him know she was waiting for him. When he was done trying to fight the nightmares alone she would be there to pull him out.

A brief warm spell blew into the woods and the frozen stream thawed. Kestrel led Stone out to the chilling waters for a wash which they both needed. Though the icy coldness took her breath away, Kestrel sighed in relief as a layer of dried sweat and grime peeled away from her skin. She dried them both with the cleanest fur they had and hustled him back into the den to warm up again.

She forgot to sweep their tracks away.

She hunted that night and brought back a few fat hares. With another deer carcass she had frozen in their cache they would have food for a hand of nights or more. That was good. She wanted to spend some time talking to Stone and trying to draw him out. He'd seemed more alert on the last few nights. She hoped he was finally getting better.

As they neared the den, Bear stopped short and growled softly. The fur of his ruff bristled. A moment later, Kestrel caught the scent herself. Troll! She dropped to the ground and crawled silently near.

It was a troll all right. A northern troll, to be sure. Alone, it appeared, though that was odd. A deserter, perhaps? It didn't matter; northern trolls were northern trolls and all were dangerous. The lunkish creature was peering at something on the stream bank, and Kestrel realized with a coldness in the pit of her stomach that she had not disguised the tracks she and Stone had made. Nor had she closed the den hole. If the troll were to turn around and look closely at the alder tree behind him...

The troll smiled a leering smile, and stood up, looking around. Kestrel lifted her bow and nocked an arrow in place. She drew it slowly back, aiming carefully. The shot would have to count. She didn't want to fight the troll hand-to-hand. Two fingers held the bowstring taut. She uncurled them.

With a soft tung the bowstring sprang back. The troll's eyes flew wide in surprise and he stared uncomprehendingly at the arrow shaft that protruded from his chest. He cried out, a helpless gurgle, and fell on his face. Kestrel leaped forward.

"Slaghand!" another voice cried, and Kestrel whirled around. She should have known. Trolls, even deserters, rarely traveled alone. The second troll bellowed out his rage at her and charged, brandishing a heavy sword. Kestrel dodged and turned. Her only weapon was her bow and that was difficult to use at such a short range. She pulled an arrow from her quiver and held it ready for stabbing. Bear growled and bristled at her side.

With a snarl, Finder leaped from the den hole and sank his fangs into the troll's leg. The troll yelled, and Kestrel stabbed at him with her arrow while Bear attacked the other leg. The troll howled with pain and rage, swinging a meaty arm and knocking Kestrel to the ground.

Another voice howled out a battle cry. Stone leaped on the troll's back, Tallspear's sword in his hand. He stabbed, biting deep into the massive shoulder while the air fairly rumbled with black sending. Bear leaped for the throat while Finder ripped at the hamstrings. With a cry of fear and pain the troll went down under all three. His cry was cut off as Bear's jaws crushed his throat. The wolf backed away, but Stone stabbed again and again, howling and snarling, until he was exhausted and spattered with blood.

**Tark?** Kestrel approached him cautiously. He turned sharply and snarled at her, but hung his head again in weariness, worn from the fight and from the energy he'd poured into hurting the troll with his strange new power. The wolves crept up to him and licked at the blood that streaked his chest. Kestrel gently took the sword from his hand and cleaned it with moss and ice-crusted snow. Then she put her arm around him and led him back to the den.

When he was safely in the furs again she and the wolves dragged the corpses into the woods where she hid them by shaping the thick, tangling brambles over them. She hoped they would stay frozen long enough for her lifemate to recover, before their eventual stink gave them away. Perhaps hungry predators would find them before then anyway.

She returned to the den and peeled away her own stained leathers, shivering both from cold and from the after-effects of the brief battle. She closed the den hole and crawled gratefully into the furs.

Stone turned and took her in his arms, holding her close.

Surprised, she sent to him but still could reach nothing more than his wolf-thoughts. Yet he had known in a way more than the wolves that she had been in danger. The wolves had fought the troll, too, but they'd settled down for sleep and had already forgotten their fighting mind. Their elf-friend was safe so there was no more need for licking and reassurance. Stone, however, clung to her and held on until they both fell asleep.

They ate deer and hare from the cache for the next few nights while Kestrel spent her time trying to coax her lifemate from the hiding place in his mind. She would not probe far for fear of frightening him away even more or into using black sending against her, but lingered quietly and peacefully at the edges of his mind hoping he would be drawn to her warmth. He was there, she felt, but never near enough to touch.

The meat ran out and Kestrel hunted again, taking both wolves with her for safety. They downed another deer and dragged it back to the den, this time carefully concealing any trace of their passage. Kestrel cached the meat and turned to the den hole, finding Stone already there and waiting for her. To her surprise he looked worried, relieved only when she came in from the cold and closed the den on them both. He held her again that night. She wondered what had been going through his mind while she was out on the hunt.

She woke the next twilight to a peculiar sensation, a send that was not quite a send. Puzzled, she listened with her mind until it came again and she recognized it for what it was and smiled softly. The cubling growing in her belly pulsed with life, giving off fitful bursts of energy that would eventually turn into sending. It called out to its mother as though celebrating its own being. It called, she realized, to its father, too.

The effect on Stone was electrifying. He sat up abruptly and stared in wonder, then laid a hand on her belly.

**The cub, Tark,** she sent, for she sensed he had been drawn forth from himself by the child's feeble sends. **Our cub. We made this from our own joy.**

He cried out softly and turned away, but he had been too close to the surface and her sending caught up with him. Laying her hands on his shoulders and pressing her cheek to the back of his neck, she sent to him.

**Tark, beloved, this is a good thing. Come and celebrate this new life.**

**Fahl?** The send was weak, tired. **Fahl... help me.**

**I'm here for you.**

**Fahl, I'm so lost and I hurt so much. Help me.**

She reached for him with her sending, wishing she knew how to "go out" as Tilvah could. **Come to me, beloved. Let my love wash you clean.**

He reached out to her at last and she knew his pain even as she gave him her joy. **Fahl. Oh, Fahl!** he said over and over, until the name was on his lips whispering in her ear.

**Tark, sweet love,** she returned. **I'm so happy you're back.**

**It hurts, Fahl. It hurts so.**

**It always hurts before it gets better. It's a pain to tell you you're alive.**

**Did I do right, beloved? Tell me, did I do right?**

It didn't matter what he meant. **Of course you did. You have a good heart, lifemate. How could you do wrong?**

**But to force... the memories it brought... the nightmares... was it right?**

**New life is always right, beloved. It's a blessing much needed. Had I known, though, what memories it would stir up and what they would do to you I might have waited. But I still wouldn't refuse you.**

He sighed and held her close, unwilling to let her go, and lapsed into silence.

He said little over the next few nights, and Kestrel feared he was slipping back into madness again. On the second night, however, she realized from the electric tingle of magic surrounding him that he was in a healing state, turning his powers on himself. Perhaps he had found a way to heal minds after all.

A few nights later, as dawn broke and Kestrel settled into the furs after a hunting excursion, Stone took her quietly in his arms again. His body pressed against hers and he brushed his lips across her face in a way she knew meant "join with me?" Happily, she complied.

"I think you're ready to rejoin the tribe," she said when they awoke at twilight.

"I think I would like that," he said. His healing powers seemed to have had a good effect on him, though they left him tired and vulnerable. She stroked his head, running her fingers through his silky hair, as he gave her a look full of gratitude.

"You stayed with me in spite of all that," he said.

"Of course I did. What else would I do?"

Stone looked down. "I don't know. I guess you could have come with some of the others and dragged me back to the tribe, maybe turned Yharren loose on me. Instead you came here alone and took care of me."

"I love you, lifemate," she said, touching his face. "I wanted to give you what you needed."

"But what about you?" he asked. "What do you need? What shall I give you in return?"

Kestrel smiled softly. "I need you, beloved. I need you safe and strong and with me all the time. I need to know that you would do the same for me."

"You know I would," he whispered. "I'd do anything for you."

"You'll give so much joy when you return to the tribe, beloved. They're all worried for you."

"Yes, it's time," he said. Then a gleam came to his eye and he shifted until his weight rested on her. "Or maybe we need one more sleep together, just the two of us alone."

"Beloved, I think you're right," Kestrel said with a smile.

Stone lifted his face from his lifemate's hair as the memories subsided. The pain had never fully gone away in the hands of turns that had passed, but he'd learned to live with it and leave it buried in the back of his brain. It was rather like living with a jar of poison in the den -- one knew it was there without having to taste from it. One could simply live around it.

"Someday," he said, "when the tribe settles again I might try making Recognition happen. I think I could do it. Not just yet, but soon."

"When you are ready, beloved," Kestrel whispered, "You know I will be."

"It would be nice, though, if it would happen for us without having to make it happen, just as it did the first time." He smiled gently. "I rather liked that. You looked so surprised."

"And you were utterly dumbfounded. And neither of us had any idea what we were getting into."

"Any regrets?"

Kestrel shook her head. "None."

"Not even when..."

"Not even."

He pulled her to his chest. "That's good to know." He let out a long sigh. "And now... weren't we about to get back to something?"

"I believe we were."

He lifted her soft hair with his hands, stroking it back from her face. "Show me that 'kissing' thing again. That thing the humans do. I like that."

"You mean this?" Kestrel asked, pressing her lips to his.

"Mmm-hmmm..."

An infant's wail tore the air again, the sound coming closer to the den.

"Oh, not again!" Stone groaned, touching his hand to his forehead. *Go away! We're not here! We went somewhere!*

"It is getting monotonous, isn't it?" Kestrel rose from the furs and reached for the deerskin again. "We will finish what we started. Eventually."

"When? After Jade outgrows the colic?"

**Maybe it's time you and I went away alone for a few nights.**

Stone looked up, eyebrows raised. **Is that a promise?**

Kestrel winked. **Absolutely.**

**Only promise me one more thing.**

**And what is that, beloved?**

**This time, you relax and I'll take care of you.**

Kestrel smiled. **It's a promise.**